Picture credit: Emma Blackery who is mentioned in this blog post.
Favourite videos are something I have seen many of my favourite vloggers do on their Youtube channels but is something I never thought I could turn into a blog post myself. For once I actually have quite a large list of favourite products in one month so I will share them for the first time in no particular order.
Mallow & Marsh vanilla marshmallows coated in milk chocolate – these are an absolute FAVOURITE that I’ve just discovered this month. Great for studying in the uni library as they don’t crunch when you munch! Buy here: Vanilla Mallow & Marsh.
Mallow & Marsh raspberry marshmallows coated in 70% dark chocolate – for when you want to mix the first one up a bit. Buy here: Raspberry Mallow & Marsh.
Rub, Rub, Rub shower scrub – This is a MUST and it has such a soothing smell. Thank Emma Blackery for introducing this to me as she mentioned it in a video. Buy it here: Rub, Rub, Rub Purchase.
Grammarly chrome extension – a browser extension added to chrome which identifies wrong grammar and spelling on anything I write on the internet and suggests the corrections. I hate grammar and I am also really bad at it so this is a life saver! Sign up and add for free here: Grammarly
“Nothing Without You” song by Emma Blackery. Yes, I had to include this! Listen here: Spotify or here: YouTube.
Speaking about music, I can’t forget Hard Times, the latest release by Paramore. Listen here: Spotify or here: YouTube. I had to include this since I’ve had it on non-stop repeat since it’s release!
Hero Wars Facebook game – I play this game EVERY day – check it out on Facebook!
White Russian cocktails – I know there may be people who read this and don’t drink but near the beginning of the month I went on a rare night out with my uni friends to a lovely bar which had white Russians on reduced price and I already loved them. I drank more of these that night than anything else! I also find it exhilarating to watch them making them since they set them on fire, I know I’m strange!
Thai Sweet Chilli crisps by Sainsbury’s taste the difference. These are now my all time favourite crisps. Buy them here: Crisps
Finally, Haagen-Dazs mango & raspberry ice cream. I tried this at the start of the month and it has overtaken Ben & Jerry’s as my favourite ice cream. Buy here: Ice Cream
My heart is almost enclosed within a blanket protecting it from the dangers of the world. The more living and growing I do and the more I learn, the stronger that blanket becomes.
In other words, the blanket around my heart is like a restrictive barrier you can’t see that stops you from getting too close to me and stops me from letting you into my heart.
It’s the way I have learned from experience when you give too much of yourself, to begin with, there is a high likelihood of that reflecting back and hurting you instead of helping you.
You don’t know someone’s personality the second you meet them, you may think you do but you don’t. It may feel as if you have known that person a lifetime when the reality is you haven’t.
I know from experience that there have been times I have felt a strong emotional connection and understanding with someone right from the moment I have met them. As a result, I’ve jumped in the heart over head and given them everything, every little piece of me just handed to them on a plate. This is the case for friends, relationships, the whole lot.
As a result, those people gave everything to from day one have turned out to not be the person I thought they were, have let me down or worse, seriously hurt me mentally. There are even times where I have taken a long time to trust someone than when I’ve eventually trusted them they’ve changed and let me down or hurt me.
Nowadays, I keep that blanket around my heart for a lot longer until I am 100% sure I can trust that person. I have discovered from experience that personally it seems to hurt more when it’s someone I have given everything to from the start who has hurt me. I guess that’s because right from the start I have perceived them as someone they were not and then there’s the shock and hurt when I realise they are not the person I thought they were.
At least if someone hurts me who I took a long time to trust, I know within me that they were the person I perceived them as and they either made a mistake or changed as a person and I guess that is easier to accept. So in life, I will keep that blanket protecting me from pain until I know I can trust you. Cause I can’t keep opening me heart up, again and again, to be broken. At least this way, it hurts less, at least this way I have the chance to find those that mean what they say and are who they say they are. At least this way I can find the ones that are true and keep them close instead of letting the fakes in only to hurt me. It’s a happier life this way.
Roots. Roots to me are more than just the grassy, muddy variety of roots. The grassy muddy kind of roots is quite frankly boring unless you are a gardener. Quite frankly, I doubt anyone would want to even read this blog post if those were the type of roots I was writing about!
Fear not, my life hasn’t suddenly become that black and white……YET.
Today I will be talking about two different type of roots. 1) Family/Friends roots and 2) Career roots.
Family and friends roots are the deeper type of roots, the type of roots which inspired the title for this blog post in regards to today’s Daily Prompt: Roots.
Family and friends I feel are really the people that shape us and help to define us as people. They are the ones who pull us up when we’ve fallen down and always have our backs when something goes wrong. I know that today, I would most likely not even be alive if it wasn’t for those I am blessed to call my friends, my real friends, my true friends.
I’m sure I can say that for most people they always have that one person who puts on the front of being a friend when in actual fact they have never been there for you and you have still to realise this. Unfortunately, enemies can be hidden in disguise as the people you think will stand by you when things go to shit, I should know.
I’ve had plenty of those people who promise they will always be there and then the second I actually need them, they are nowhere to be found. I think that is a learning curve though, those people have made me stronger. Even though it may hurt like fuck at the time, those people have taught me how to see through people’s bullshit. Occasionally someone will slip through, someone will abuse my good nature, win my support and then desert me but that is becoming rarer and rarer the more I grow and the more I experience.
Family and friends are rooted within our hearts, within our souls and help us develop and grow and we wouldn’t be the people we are without them. You may find me constantly moaning about my family as I don’t get on with most of my family but despite this, I know that they will be there when I need it most and for that I am grateful. We need to hang onto those that matter for as long as possible because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring and we don’t want our last words with someone we care about to be an argument.
Now onto the other type of roots: career roots. Within the media industry especially, it isn’t always about what you know but rather who you know. Another thing is, word of mouth goes a long way into getting your foot in the door within the media industry.
I feel that once you establish that initial introduction with a company you wish to work with in the future that is you beginning your roots. That is you planting the seed for progression and potential experience or a job. Once you are working for that company, that is your stepping stone to move onto the next thing: think bigger. You need to do a lot of rooting within various companies as well as networking from the beginning in order to succeed, grow and develop. As long as you have the motivation, the drive and a strong passion you can succeed.
When you are mentally low you don’t see the colours in life, life becomes one dank dark place and you see the world in black and white instead of colour.
Mental illness has become a sort of taboo subject to talk about and it doesn’t help when some people in school see mental health as a way to manipulate others. There’s no wonder that many young people don’t talk about mental health because they see is a subject that can’t be approached and we need to work to change this.
I know from experience that any kind of mental health or depression is a difficult subject to talk about and something we should embrace more. When my Bipolar comes into play, I cease to see the joys in life.
I think of my life as a dank and miserable existence in which I can’t anticipate the future and just want out. Life becomes bleak and grey with no hope left. You start to over-think and analyse everything even coming to conclusions about people based on non-existent reasons.
Bipolar can make you imagine what is not there, imagine people you care about being nasty about you and warp your conceptions on why people you care about have acted in a certain way, therefore, causing you to treat them differently, call them out for it or stop talking to them completely.
It can also make you assume that other people know what they have done to upset you when in actual reality, they probably don’t know. Of course, there are always people who will upset you on purpose but you have to separate them from the good that generally does care about you and didn’t mean to hurt you. Mental health, therefore, makes this process and practically any other life process a lot more difficult for you.
Obviously, if you call someone out for a reason your mental health has made up you can be seen as crazy or else that person will leave you because they don’t know why you are going off the rail. Also, mental health issues can make it a lot more difficult to work your problems out with others.
Bipolar can cause me at times, to even see people in grey. Whereas another person might always see the good in the people around them, someone with Bipolar can change their view of people if that person does one thing that hurts them deeply. I don’t mean to do that, I do mean to give the person a chance to explain but there are times when that doesn’t happen.
Another issue I have is trusting people, although this isn’t just reliant on my Bipolar. This is also because of the people who have hurt me. When I was in my younger years of high school, the teacher I trusted most let me down and wasn’t there for me when I needed her and essentially had a negative effect on my life at that time.
Before I met her, I trusted people way too easily. When bullies tried to get information out of me, I just offered it up not realising they were just looking for a topic for gossiping and being mean about me behind my back.
Since then, it can be said as both a positive and a negative thing that I don’t trust people as easily now. I can see through most people’s bullshit, and I can protect my heart from being crushed by being selective with who I trust. However, the negative side of this is that as soon as someone I trust does the smallest thing to hurt me, I get defensive and shut them out instead of talking to them and telling them why they hurt me. Also, because it takes me longer to trust people when I start a new experience: everyone around about me establishes their friendship groups before me so therefore I feel like an outsider who is not welcome.
Life with a mental illness is difficult and gives a different perspective on life – sometimes positive and sometimes negative when my mental health gets low. I begin to see things in grey instead of colour as if I am wearing tinted sunglasses to view the world but when I am well I can see the joy and that is the moments worth living for.
Today I will be talking about my feelings in the sense that I have always been the type of person to bottle up my feelings until they become too much and I then end up almost exploding and breaking down because there are then too many things that have caused me to get low.
It’s no secret that I have major trust issues thanks to the people in my past who have hurt me and let me down when I needed them. As a result, I began to bottle up my feelings even more and it is only recently that I have started working on dealing with my issues at the time that they become an issue.
I think that is partly to do with the fact that now I’m at university, I have become a lot busier and as a result, have to keep a calendar. As a result of this, I realise that I do not always have the time to have a breakdown or stop what I’m doing to deal with a mess of problems. Therefore I have to start dealing with my problems there and then which is something I have always struggled with.
Life is difficult, and I know changing things will be difficult at first but it’s got to get easier. Hasn’t it?
I can’t continue to bottle things up as it has a negative effect on both my mental health and my attitude. Most my arguments I’ve started unreasonably with other people have been because I’ve bottled my feelings up.
I’ve let whatever that person did or said to upset me play on my mind for weeks if not months. As a result, I become a very angry and upset person until one day I can’t hold it in anymore and I have to release.
As a result, I end up flying off the handle with people I care about instead of just talking about it like a grownup. Recently I had a go at someone because they did something which reminded me of someone who hurt me.
The thing that happened with the person who had hurt me was something I didn’t talk about for over three years. As a result, I began to lash out at anyone who would remind me of them and then stop trusting that person.
I have now realised this is an unhealthy attitude and perhaps if I’d have just spoken about the issues at the time, it wouldn’t have come to this. Therefore, zipping up my feelings has also had a negative impact on the way I deal with others, and I want to change that!
Do you have any tips that I can use in order to deal with my problems easier and more efficiently? I want to know. Comment them below!
Today I thought I would write a blog post on my thoughts on grammar. Quite simply: I HATE it. Grammar is the worst thing I have ever tried to do. I remember when I first noticed that I had an issue with grammar: when it got to my higher English at the high school and I failed every close reading test apart from the main exam.
Roll on when it came to yearbook profile writing time – yeah I struggled with my grammar then also. I remember once I finished my profile, I ran it by two teachers before submitting it because I wanted to make sure everything was okay. These two teachers proceeded to correct all my grammar on my profile to the point there were that many corrections, it was no longer technically a profile written by myself. To top that off the woman in charge decided mine was too long, edited and changed it all herself and expected it to be okay instead of asking me to change it. So it wasn’t really my profile in the end. I even couldn’t decide which picture I wanted to be put in the yearbook out of the professional ones taken that year so I told my teacher the few I liked and made her choose the best one. Anyway, I digress. Now, what was I talking about? Just kidding!
It’s no secret that I struggle with grammar. I even started to struggle with it in college. You wouldn’t expect to be tested on grammar in a media and communications course. I do have the most basic grasp of grammar but anything more than basic goes out the window with me!
Next, you won’t be surprised that in the first year of my HND media, I had a class where there were three outcomes which all tested us on grammar which I failed. I failed ALL three of the major outcome about two times. Normally when you fail an assessment, your lecturer gives you tips/extra support in order to help you improve the next time. Not this time. Instead, my lecturer just said “read the notes again” – these were the notes I didn’t understand in any way – so not much help. If it wasn’t for another few lecturers, I might not have gotten into my university course because of something so stupid.
When I went into my second year of my HND I found out that grammar would be tested on in our journalism class. I then spoke to my lecturer and informed her that I had always been bad at grammar and was worried this would bring my marks down significantly. The lovely person that she is said she wouldn’t be too strict on my grammar.
You may already know I am a GCU media student, but what you don’t know is that journalism is the MAIN sector within media that I would NEVER like to pursue. I think this is a lasting opinion and can’t see myself changing my mind on this later in life – I may be surprised though!
There are a few reasons for this (not in order): 1) I know from research that a lot of journalists actually can loose their job if they don’t get a story by the end of the same day it was set. 2) If you haven’t guessed yet, I not only hate grammar but I am really bad at grammar. 3) I wouldn’t want to be pressured into being one of those “gossip” papers that spout crap about celebrities.
I have friends who are journalists that write news articles and I totally respect them for this but I don’t feel it is something I could do. Yesterday I discovered an online grammar checker/corrector that you add to your browser as an extension which will then identify and let you correct your grammar anywhere on the web. This is called Grammarly. They have both a website and an app available as a chrome extension, windows app and for Microsoft office.
I would highly recommend installing this extension on chrome if you use chrome or the windows or Microsoft extensions ESPECIALLY if you are like me and struggle with grammar. Despite only discovering the chrome extension yesterday, it has already become a godsend to me and helps me keep my grammar on top form. You can look forward to better grammar in my blogs from now on!
If you wonder why someone who is bad at grammar writes a blog and wants to write her own book, I can’t exactly answer you on this! I just love to write despite the awful grammar, I suppose it may be because writing allows me to vent out my feelings and get things off my chest.
I meant to unbox/review March’s edition of the glossybox but never got around to doing it thanks to uni getting busy.
I therefore thought that in this blog post today I would unbox both March & April’s editions.
One thing I will say before I unveil March’s products is that they seemed to be a little covered by black dust in this box, but none of the products were damaged so I wouldn’t say it matters too much!
Sleek Makeup – Eye & Cheek Palette ~ Now, when I saw that this product was included In March’s box I was very excited to try this. I have heard of Sleek Makeup before and have been wanting to try it for a while. It looks fantastic. It also has a very simply and easy to remember name which is a plus!
Now the name of this won’t show up clearly on the picture but this is the Schwarzkopf Professional BC Bonacure Oil Miracle Brazilnut Oil Pulp Treatment (woah, what a tongue twister!) Put simply – it is a hair treatment which is claimed to make your hair shinier, smoother and more manageable if used twice a week. Looking at the sample size they provided me with, it doesn’t actually look like there is enough product there for two applications, but we will see. I will let you know how I get on!
Next up we have the Figs & Rogue – Hydra-Activ Smart Nutrient Vital Moisture Day Cream. This is supposed to quite simply moisturise & hydrate your skin.
Now this must be my favourite product out of the WHOLE month – The Oolution Eye Love. This product aims to do one of the things which I am always in dire need of – diminish dark circles and reduce puffiness. I constantly have dark circles and can never find a product that works effectively on my skin. I have high hopes for this product and can’t wait to use it.
Finally we have the This Works – in transit camera close-up ~ This product is claimed to be a mask, moisturiser and primer all in one and is apparently used by Victoria Beckham. I like the sound of a product which has multiple uses so I am eager to try this.
Onto April’s edition:
Firstly we have the Elgon Deliwash Cleansing Conditioner ~ This product aims to cleanse hair without stripping it. I really love the packaging and am eager to try this as my hair can get really tangled from time to time.
Next we have the SportFX Definition Duo Eyeliner Pencil ~ To be honest I don’t think this is a product which I am likely to try as I never have eyeliner and can’t apply it properly so I might give this a miss and see if a friend wants it. That being said, I might look up tutorials and try and use it. This remains to be decided upon.
Thirdly we have the Rodial Glamolash Mascara XXL ~ This actually looks like a pretty good product. I struggle to find a good mascara that works for me and often end up buying mascara’s and then stop using them as they aren’t effective so I am interested in looking into how effective this one is.
Next we have the MerciHandy Love and Hand Cleansing Gel ~ Who doesn’t love a good hand sanitizer? On top of that there is small bits of black glitter inside the bottle which is cute. Did I mention, it smells amazing? I can’t wait to use this!
Finally we have the ModelCo Contour Stick ~ When I first looked at this I thought it was some sort of lip crayon, but no, its a contour stick. Turns out you can even use it as eyeshadow or lip colour. While to me this personally looks too dark to contour my skin I would be interested in seeing what it looks like as a lip colour. It seems like a dark pinky/purply/browny colour so does seem a bit unusually dark for contour – but I could be wrong.
That’s everything I received in both March’s and April’s Glossybox editions. If you would like me to do a separate blog post where I actually review these products then let me know by liking or commenting on this post!
For 20% off your first box sign up here: GlossyBox
Today’s daily wordpress prompt is: Chuckle and this gets me thinking on two different accounts. Chuckle means two different things to me and one of them is a reminder of my childhood.
While to many people, chuckle is another term for laughter: chuckle both means laughter to me and also reminds me of one of my childhood favourites: the Chuckle Brothers/Chuckle Vision.
The Chuckle Brothers and Chuckle Vision reminds me of my childhood as they were a TV personality/show which I enjoyed watching.
The other meaning of chuckle: laughter. Isn’t that what life is and should be about? Linking in with the childhood theme, I realise that I technically never had a childhood. I was perhaps forced to grow up quickly and I realise as a child I was always worrying about something or always upset about something.
Throughout my early years, I wasn’t happy because my mum was in and out of hospital with her mental health. Therefore there were times when I would visit her when she was unwell therefore I perhaps spent a lot of time in a more negative mindset than other children my age with always something on my mind.
When I moved to Scotland, I had a couple of years where I actually had a childhood but then when I started high school, I became really depressed and developed Bipolar disorder of which I of course knew nothing of at the time so therefore thought there was nothing wrong and I was the same as other teenagers my age. I was wrong.
As a result it wasn’t really until I got into my second last year of high school that I really began to live my life. Since most of my childhood was unhappy it makes it even more important for me to find enjoyable moments about life, moments where I can laugh aka chuckle.
Life may be tough but it is important to hang onto the good moments and chase the light instead of the dark. As a teenager I spent too long chasing the dark, chasing the bad and over-thinking about the bad. Therefore, I didn’t really focus on enjoyment within life.
My point: Chase the good. There may be bad moments but don’t let them destroy you, chase the you that you want to be.
Just going to be a short blog post today since have a lot of uni work I’ve been working on so I am tired.
According to google the definition of Opaque is: “not able to be seen through; not transparent.” I suppose this can be applied to life as well as objects. When I started high school, I was as open as open can be, one of my biggest struggles was seeing through other people’s bullshit – I simply couldn’t do it.
This put me in good stead to then have someone I care about and trusted to completely destroy me and rip me apart to the point I lost all sense of self worth. Since then I feel I began to realise that I gave too much of myself to other people so ended up not leaving enough love behind for myself. I ended up draining myself of all energy because I gave all that energy to other people, most of them didn’t even respect me or even deserve my love and kindness.
Nowadays, I can pretty much see through anyone’s pretentious crap which they call the truth. Although occasionally someone will creep up on me, I will give them my trust and then they will prove why I should not have given my trust to them in the first place.
Life can be Opaque, it can seen difficult at times to be able to see through things and I feel that this is a skill you acquire within life – you make mistakes, you grow and you start to see through the pretense that some people put up. Not everyone is genuine.