Posted in Thoughts

A Break From Blogging

When I started this blog, I wanted to blog regularly, it was an outlet for me to make sense of my feelings and what’s going on in my life. However, there was a spell when I spent so much time arranging blogging opportunities with other people that it became more about the deadlines rather than a hobby.

I’m not going to sugar coat it, I lost the meaning of my blog over the last year, my mental health plummeted and I didn’t even know who I was anymore nevermind trying to keep up a presence online focussed on the things I loved.

How can I have a blog about the things I love as a hobby if I don’t even know who I am or what I love? I began to keep track of how long it was between blog posts with a constant worry that I wasn’t blogging and that I was giving up on another thing, yet again when I should have just taken a break.

I’ve been speaking a lot recently about thing’s I’ve learned in 2017. Another thing I learned in 2017 is that it’s okay not to be okay and to take a break from things, in fact, things can improve if you take a break from time to time.

When you work in the media, study in media and put yourself in the media, there can be a pressure to keep going. The media industry feels at times like it has to be go-go-go all day long, all week long, all year long.

I’ve watched the people I admire in the public eye get criticised when there’s no video, music, project, whatever it may be from them. I’ve watched people I admire in the media feel pressured to be perfect online or pressured into continuing to create content all year around no matter what.

If you are reading this and are feeling that pressure: It’s okay to take a break from certain things or even everything that you are working on. It’s okay to rethink things, it’s okay to change your end goal.

It was only when I took a break for the most part from this blog in the second half of 2017, I began to breathe properly again without constantly worrying about the next piece of content.

When your passion or hobby becomes a chore that you dread, that’s when it’s time to take a break. It’s better to put your sanity first.

In 2018, I’m not going to chase after every little sponsorship, collab and free products in exchange for a blog post. I was chasing after these things so much that I lost interest in simply blogging about what I was interested in and as a result, I feel my content got significantly worse.

This isn’t a dig at anyone I worked with in 2017 for my blog, not at all. It’s a dig at my past self, yes I enjoyed these opportunities but I put more time into gaining them and less thought into what interested me. 2018 will be a very different year in terms of content.

I’m focussing on myself and what I want and that’s not just blogging-wise. I’m focussing on those career goals I’ve been too scared to pursue and I hope that by the end of 2018 I can actually say I’ve gone after some of my dreams.

I hope to be back to regular blogging in 2018 but one thing the last two years has taught me is that you never know what’s to come, things can change so easily and I think I’m becoming better at adapting to change than I used to be.

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Posted in Thoughts

Why I Don’t Like Christmas

Trigger Warning: Difficult family/death

Just writing the blog title makes me cringe. I feel the pressure that because Christmas is meant to be a happy and joyful time of year for many, that I have no right to voice my opinion about my dislike for Christmas.

With that being said, I remember one of the rules I had when I started this blog: I didn’t want to lie on my own blog. I know the word ‘lies’ is in my blog’s name but it totally wasn’t intended for lying here. It was intended to express the lies I tell myself or more often than not these days: the lies my anxiety tells me. It wasn’t put there to lie to my audience.

A post like this is probably always going to be a bit risky at a time of year which most people love and celebrate so this is why I chose to upload this after Christmas.

I must have stopped enjoying Christmas when I was about 15 years old. I also wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same year when I stopped wanting to celebrate my birthday.

Now, about Christmas: I have never once tried to make others, not like Christmas, I just don’t.

This year is the first year since moving to Scotland that I won’t be going to my grans for Christmas dinner. My gran just isn’t well enough to cook food for four people.

I suppose the first stab in the heart that led to me not enjoying Christmas dates back to 2009. Let’s set the scene: A few days before Christmas, myself and my Dad are excited to see my uncle on our trip to London.

Roll on the 27th December, we are on a train to London, my Dad seems upset but not willing to talk, I know something is wrong.

Once I arrive in London, I get told that my uncle died exactly one day before. You see, my uncle had cancer, he died the day before we were going to visit him. We never even got to say goodbye to someone who was so important to us.

Now, that’s not the only reason I dislike Christmas. Over the years, I have become better at learning the triggers to my mental health. One such trigger is the winter weather. Until Christmas, I can keep myself occupied and I have people to talk to but then on Christmas, everyone I know is having a family day with their family.

My Christmas normally results in my gran getting very drunk and then shouting verbal abuse at me while I am expected to take it and my grandad tells me I have to take it because my gran gives me money for my birthday’s and Christmases.

My gran hasn’t always been the most supportive member of my family, but it comes out the most at Christmas. You can feel free to judge me for being happy I don’t need to spend my Christmas with her if you want but for me, everything in my life hurts the most at Christmas.

There are a lot of other reasons why I don’t like Christmas but then this blog post would become too long to read.

What I’m saying is, if you take one thing from this blog post: please don’t expect that everyone adores Christmas. Some people have lost loved ones, or others have to spend the day miserable. There could be loads of other reasons they just don’t feel comfortable telling you.

Don’t assume it’s because they are a Scrooge that doesn’t like to have fun. Over the years, I’ve tried so hard to love Christmas like everyone else seems to do but that’s not me and that’s not the type of person I feel I can be and please don’t judge me for that.

If you love Christmas, I hope you had an amazing Christmas filled with happy memories and special time with your family. I’m glad that this is a time of year which you enjoy and are happy at but please never try to force others into loving Christmas if they don’t.

Posted in Life

17 Things I Learned in 2017

Another year is over, another year begins. Let’s start the year with what I learned from 2017 since it was certainly a tough year.

  1. A happier life starts when you cut the snakes 🐍 out of your life (AKA the toxic people.)

  2. NEVER sacrifice your happiness for your career.

  3. Just because someone is older than you, doesn’t make them more responsible or more grown up.

  4. Just because someone is older than you, doesn’t mean they have got their life together.

  5. When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try and control what other people think of you – rise above it.

  6. No need for revenge or being petty towards the people who screw you over, they always get what they deserve.

  7. If someone puts your safety at risk then they are NOT your friend no matter how much you convince yourself they are.

  8. If someone lies to you and then lies some more when you confront them, let them go, they are NOT worth your time.

  9. Don’t actively search for friends and people who care about you. The ones who ACTUALLY care will come looking for you and will find a way to stay.

  10. Hold onto the ones who matter, let go of the snakes 🐍

  11. You can’t change other people’s minds about anything so don’t try.

  12. Toxic people won’t notice that they are hurting you until you cause them some inconvenience, they aren’t worth it.

  13. Stay silent, eventually, other people will see through the snakes 🐍bullshit just like you did and if they don’t, they aren’t worth having around.

  14. My anxiety is NEVER right about ANYTHING. Neither is YOUR anxiety. NEVER LISTEN TO ANXIETY.

  15. Even when you think no one cares about you, there will be someone waiting to prove you wrong.

  16. ALWAYS back up draft blog posts as WordPress has a tendency to delete them after you’ve spent a great deal of time on them.

  17. Your mental health is more important than anything else, put this first, everything else will wait and will improve when you are well.

These are some of the things I learned from 2017, what did you learn? Facebook ~ Twitter ~ Instagram