This wasn’t a blog post I was expecting to write anytime soon or in fact, ever. Today I found out that I have an old Twitter account which I had completely forgotten about. This is an account I started back in 2010 and the last time I posted on it was 2011.
The positive about this story? It gave me a topic idea to help fill out the rest of BEDA (Blog Every Day April.) Face it, this is the only positive.
The old Twitter account is a classic example of past social media embarrassment: one you look back on and cringe just thinking about.
Roasting past Emma:
Firstly. What was this supposed to be for a profile picture? Since when did people get their friend to take a picture of them with a lolly stick sticking out their mouth and their thumbs up? This is definitely not cool.
I know exactly which friends bedroom this was taken in simply by the Jedward posters: remember when Jedward were a thing? Me neither. (Burns that Jedward album hidden away at home from back when I thought they were good singers)
I’ve learned a few things from re-discovering this account: 1) I used to be incredibly vain 2) My main goal on Twitter was once to post over 1000 tweets, so I literally just spammed numbers in all my tweets 3) I’ve been a fan of Amanda Holden longer than I thought.
Another thing I need to roast about past Emma: Literally all you posted most the time on Twitter was those “get more followers links” – what was the point in even creating Twitter, like really?
Also, why in the few actual tweets you posted, WHY are most of them seen as translated from a different language when you don’t know any other language? Was the account hacked or something?
I am reminded of that stage in my life where I constantly listened to that cringy music that is dreadfully awful but you listen because its catchy. I therefore re-discovered a song I had forgotten about which will now probably drive me insane. Thanks past Emma for ruining my life.
One thing has remained the same: Back then I often tweeted song lyrics. I still tweet song lyrics. Music is embedded in my soul and is a part of me that has helped me get through a lot of painful moments in my life and shaped who I now am as a person.
Past Emma: I’m surprised you had any friends at all back then, you were even more annoying and vain than you are now.
This blog post sums up my life: embarrassed by past me so shares all about past me including the pictures online. I am a glutton for punishment. I would like to be able to direct you to where you can laugh at my past but I have since deleted the Twitter for obvious reasons.
What is your most embarrassing social media moment from the past?
You caught me reviewing ANOTHER Netflix original but what else would you expect from that master procrastinating student with a Netflix subscription? If there’s procrastination to be done, it will ALWAYS involve a glance at what can be watched on Netflix.
First point I would like to make, it is obvious right from the start that this TV show has a strong theme around someone committing suicide so if you are easily triggered by things like that, then this might be one you wish to avoid.
Before even getting into the first episode I can establish that I already love the graphics displayed at the start of the episode. The show appears to have a high school setting which reminds me of the typical American high school drama for teenagers.
I can be easily distracted and just to follow that trait I became distracted by the song playing at the start of the first episode and began to focus more on that than the main character Hannah, who was talking over the top so I had to rewind to re-cap.
Music is life for me, I live and breathe music and therefore when I hear a song that I like that I haven’t heard before, I become mesmerised in this song and focus more on the song than anything else which surrounds it.
The whole atmosphere makes me think of when I was at high school which is heightened by the fact that there is a teacher with the same name as one of my old high school teachers.
When Clay’s friend offers him a ride home, the car and the way the friend is dressed seems to remind me of Danny from Grease in a negative way although he seems better put together than Danny was in Grease.
Things seem weird between Clay and his Dad in the sense that it seems much more professional than a father/son relationship should be. I can relate to this in one sense because I don’t exactly get on well with my Dad but in the other sense it puts a question in my mind as to why it is so professional between them.
I think if I got home to find a random box full of numbered tapes outside my front door with my name on, I would be slightly more curious as to where they came from and perhaps slightly more hesitant to listen to them at first without trying to investigate.
Watching this, I feel a little old. I remember having cassette tapes as a child and I like the way they have conveyed the story a step back in time like this.
Again, I find myself able to relate to the show in the fact that when Hannah says the truth is the least popular story about her. Whenever I was being bullied in high school, the truth was always never spoken about as lies spread made better stories about a person than the truth did.
I don’t like the way in which in episode three the story is then told through the character’s as I prefer it when it is Hannah’s words and then it shows the other character’s story.
I love the fact each episode is named by the what tape and side they are on with the reasons as to why Hannah killed herself as its original and makes it easier to follow.
One thing 13 Reasons Why teaches viewers is that if you are a not very nice person, you will always get what is coming to you.
I feel as if every new TV show these days have clear evidence of product placement and this is no difference with the constant use of beats headphones.
13 Reasons Why reinforces the purpose on offering support to vulnerable people/those with mental health issues, depression or suicidal thoughts.
In Episode 7: Tape 4, Side A Hannah says “You’re going to tell me this one’s no big deal.” – When it comes to mental health, EVERYTHING is a big deal.
This show really makes you think about mental health and the way in which so much goes unnoticed or not spoken about because of the heavy stigma attached.
In episode 7: Tape 4, Side A it is also shown that Hannah puts a question the class discussion bag asking “What if the only way not to feel bad is to stop feeling anything at all forever?” After this is read out to the class, the first person to say their thoughts on this is that whoever wrote it is an attention seeker, another person thinks its a joke and a third thinks its a cry for help.
This is unfortunately an accurate representation of the mental health stigma in this country. When people do speak out about needing help mentally, they can be branded as attention seeking or as if they are joking instead of being taken seriously.
This indicates that we need to take an active role in changing this perception of mental health and making it less of a taboo subject to talk about. I am really glad Netflix decided to turn this into a TV show as I feel as if the more we highlight and talk about the realities of mental health, the more people will feel as if they are not alone and we can hopefully encourage them to speak about it.
I love the way in which, as Hannah is telling the story of her death, what we see on screen is split between a replica of what she describes on her tapes and the aftermath of her death.
By showing the viewer only what Hannah conveys, it leads you to question: Is everything Hannah is saying accurate? As the season goes on, we begin to get a sense that not everything Hannah says may be the truth, our first major indication of this being when Zach shows Clay that he still has the letter Hannah wrote and din’t throw it away like Hannah states he does.
It seems as if once Hannah dies, everyone left behind that was somehow the cause of her death always have an ulterior motif when it comes to the tapes and it never has anything to do with the remembrance of Hannah or trying to put their wrongs to right. It tends to be more about saving themselves from liability. This only changes at the very end.
I absolutely love the fact that they put content warnings where people may be triggered or too young to watch when needed and really respect them for doing this as I know sometimes TV shows won’t do that because it will turn some viewers away.
Suicide has the power to destroy the lives of those left behind so I believe it is crucial having shows like these to highlight the issue and hopefully encourage anyone who feels suicidal to seek help.
I wasn’t expecting the show to end where it did, I also wasn’t expecting tape 13 to be the person whom it was. The show had me hooked right from the start & contained plot twists right to the very end which held my attention.
I would definitely recommend this show to others and feel that it makes you think more about mental health and suicide and the fact that you never know the full extent of what someone else may be going through. Don’t spend your life bringing others down cause you have no idea what it may lead to!
A final thing – the soundtrack is amazing. Throughout the show, I found myself getting immersed completely in not only the plot but also the music. A great show through and through and definitely one that made me think.
What do you see when you look at the world around you? Different people will see different things but one thing I have learned throughout my life is: Life is tough, Life can be painful and those people that promise they will always be there for you aren’t always telling the truth. Don’t promise me you’ll be there any time I need to talk or moan if you are just going to drop me as soon as things get tough!
Life can be painful. I was speaking with a friend recently about the fact that the nicest people tend to be the ones who get treated the worst and its completely true. She spoke of how people will spread lies about the nicest people and take advance of their good nature and its completely true.
Time and time again I have been treated like shit, and my problem is that I don’t like to let people go. If I have an understanding with someone on a specific topic that is close to my heart, I will hang onto that person way longer than I should despite the fact that they don’t value me as a friend.
A big example of this is last year at college. There were two girls I considered friends out my class. One of them constantly treated me like shit and pulled me down but I hung onto her because we connected over both having mental health issues. The other girl didn’t originally treat me like shit, but changed as soon as we started university and then began to treat me like shit. I hung onto her because I knew she hadn’t been like that before being friends with the other girl so I thought that she’d go back to how she used to be, it never happened.
I only cut both of these people out my life after listening to the advice of someone I now consider a good friend who has stuck by me and been my lifeline since leaving college. When I cut these girls out my life, the one who had always treated me like shit never even tried to contact me so clearly never valued my friendship.
The other girl claimed she didn’t notice for a whole month then when she contacted me saying she’d just noticed I had deleted her off Facebook, she told me about a personal issue she had going on and then said “I really need a friend right now.” Really? REALLY?
This girl ignored me, argued with me and told me to shut up for no reason on multiple occasions and she expects me to be there for her but not the other way around? Then when I don’t respond to her, she blocks me on Facebook? Friendship works both ways but some people don’t seem to understand that.
Other people have taken me for granted and just assumed I would always be there so they treated me like crap. What I’m trying to say is a lot of bad things happen in this world. Everyone has their own problems and a lot of the time you may not even know what that person has to go through. So why make their life anymore difficult than it has to be?
I have major trust issues. As I’ve said in previous blog posts: It often takes me a very long time before I can trust people, a lot longer than it takes most people. There are two exceptions to this. 1) A teacher I had in high school and 2) my boyfriend. Both of these people I felt completely comfortable around for the start but that said teacher is someone who ended up letting me down and hurting me.
The reason I have so many trust issues is because of other people, the people who have let me down when I’ve put all my trust in them and the people who have hurt me. As a result, I struggle to trust new people and it takes a long time before I can.
An example of this being through my three years at college. It wasn’t until my third and last year where I was fully able to trust my guidance lecturer.
What I say – When in life people hurt you, when people let you down or when bad things happen: take a step back, withdraw yourself slightly and allow yourself time to heal, time to move on. It won’t happen straight away but I feel it’s important to do this instead of rushing straight back into the next thing in life. Take a little time out, then you’ll come back stronger than ever.
How do you heal yourself from the world around you?
A word which sums up perfectly the type of person that I am. One thing I have realised through living life is that I don’t like to fully involve myself into a situation or fully invest myself into another person until I know I can trust those I am surrounded with.
Throughout high school, I was that kid that didn’t drink, didn’t have a boyfriend at a crazy young age and didn’t socialize with the people considered as popular as I didn’t feel that’s the type of people I fitted well around.
In my younger high school years, I clung onto people that treated me like shit so that I wouldn’t be a loner, but because they treated me like shit: I hid the real me from them. I became a fabrication of a human instead of an actual human.
During my third year of high school, I saved the real me for the few people I felt safe around and like they wouldn’t judge, that wasn’t very many people. One of those people being someone who ended up letting me down when I needed them most. Since then I have became even more reserved than I initially was.
When meeting new people it takes me a VERY long time before I trust them, that isn’t just down to anxiety, that is down to people I trust hurting me a lot. It can sometimes take me over a year before I can trust someone fully. As a result, everyone establishes their friendship groups long before me and I end up being pushed to the side and becoming detached from those around me.
When I start getting low with my mental health, I become even more detached. I cease to see the world how it really is and I withdraw myself from other people, I also do this when I don’t feel comfortable within a situation.
I can be funny, witty and a generally all round caring person, but most people don’t get to see this side of me. I am the type of person that as soon as someone does or says something which hurts me a lot or reminds me of the person who destroyed me in my early teenage years, I push them out. I stop trusting them, and push them away until they don’t want to stay.
Recently I have done this again which I plan to deal with as this time it is someone I considered a good friend who’s support I don’t wish to loose.
Some people trust easily, some people immerse themselves in new experiences right from the start, not me. When I started university, I spent the whole of the first semester avoiding others. I would slip into the back of my lectures only to slip back out at the end without making an effort with people. I will sit on the sidelines until I can trust people, once I trust them I give them my all.
Do you get involved in society right from the start or sit it back and observe before you immerse yourself?
Recently I asked people what they would like to see more of on my blog and one thing which was voted for was posts about my University life so today I shall be sharing with you my top tips for studying at university.
When at university you are not going to be encouraged to get your work done like you are at school and college. You will be told about your assignments once and then expected to remember, no one will remind you to get them done.
Here are my top tips I have found that really help me to sit down and get the work done (when I’m not procrastinating):
ALWAYS carry a pack of highlighters in your bag, you never know when they will come in handy!
Don’t try to study with friends. You may think that you will get more work done if you work with a friend doing the same class. You may think that you can help each other. This NEVER works, only study with others if its a group project.
Print outs. There’s a reason you get £15 print credit at the start of the year, USE IT. Print journals, even print study sheets to help you get organised. MOST if not all of your assignments will be uploaded online.
Spotify focus playlists. YES that’s right, Spotify have a WHOLE section underneath the genres & moods section of their browse page. These have really helped me to get down and get the work done. They have different type of focus playlists such as concentration, revision, Intense studying, even reading playlists for all that required reading you have.
The university library. Whenever I have work due that I really need to get done quickly, I head to the 3rd or 4th floor of my university library, the quiet zones. Our library computers BLOCK Facebook plus its a lot quieter than other computer spaces. If your library is always busy, try going at a different time, its often quieter in the mornings or evenings.
Turn your phone off. There is nothing more distracting than trying to get uni work done and someone phoning or texting you and putting you off.
ALWAYS carry a notebook. You never know when you will get a spare moment to get some ideas down, or get started on something, or even to make a to-do-list.
NEVER do that procrastination trick where you tell yourself you will do one hour of whatever you want and then two hours of work, it NEVER happens. Before you know it, it’s 10pm at night and you haven’t done any work.
Write a to-do-list of what needs done that week or month, then number those items in order of importance. Don’t do what I do which is do the easiest first as it may be the easiest but it is probably not the most important.
Keep a calendar – include appointments AND assignment deadlines. More often than not have I forgotten a deadline & ended up causing unnecessary stress and rushing at last minute.
Have you got any tips I haven’t mentioned that help you study?
Okay, yes, I spend way too much time on Netflix when I should be working on Uni assignments, but it will get done eventually!
When I read the blurb of this TV show I knew it was definitely one that I couldn’t miss.
One of the first things I noticed about this series which I absolutely love is that Mark Pellegrino is cast as Camille’s father. I first saw Mark as Lucifer in Supernatural and fell in love with the actor. I love being able to see him in a different role and I still think his acting is superb.
The Returned has a dark sense of story and plot that only gets darker but it grows on you as the series goes on. I felt myself begin to feel emotionally involved with the characters as if I had known them for years through the clever portrayal of their stories.
I love how each episode shows the story of a different character rather than focusing on the same character and that character’s point of view.
As the story develops, the plot gets more and more sinister from Lena getting ill with the same marks on her back from when Camille died to Adam being the one to find Lena when she runs off from Camille. At this moment it looks like he will attack her and we can’t be clear of his intentions.
One thing is for sure: It may seem amazing to get a dead loved one back but it will always come with consequences no matter what.
This show brings around the realisation that it is not natural for people to come back once they are dead and if they do come back they will be a changed person. Many of us have a loved one we would do anything to have back but what would happen if they came back a different person?
The show makes you realise that perhaps it is a good thing there isn’t a way to bring back the deceased as it can cause catastrophic consequences for those whom the dead person comes back to.
Another thing this show teaches viewers is to be careful what you wish for. Lucy pretended she could communicate with the dead in order to con money out of Jack, and then when she wakes up in the hospital, she can.
Highlighted is the brutal reality of what an un-timed, unexpected death can do to a person and a family and how it can make those left behind perceive life in a different way. It must be difficult adapting and containing the feelings once Jack & Claire get their daughter back seeing as they had already mourned her loss.
The Returned makes you realise how lucky you are to be alive, healthy and have a loving family as some people do not have that and an unexpected death can ruin lives.
Every time someone from the dead is brought back, they cause harm to those still alive. Even if they don’t cause harm, they cause a black cloud to follow their loved ones until something bad happens.
Every time someone returns from the dead, another person seems to die. The Returned shows that you can’t escape the natural order of life otherwise things will begin to turn bad.
The plot entices you in & throws unexpected twists into the plot to keep the viewer intrigued and interested. Rising from the dead will always come with a consequence in The Returned.
The ending was timed perfectly, just the way I feel a season should end. It left you itching for more. One thing I will say now, when you search for The Returned on Netflix you will find three different options. This one which is the Netflix original, then there’s a second tv show of The Returned with two seasons instead of one then there is a film.
I couldn’t tell you if this remake is better than the older tv show, but I did really enjoy this although I did feel there was something missing, I’m not quite sure what.
If you’ve seen this, what was your thoughts on the show? If you’ve seen both this and the older tv show, which is better and why?
There is a difference between confidence and arrogance and I hope never to cross that line.
I am naturally not a very confident person. I rely on the opinions of my friends and family in order to make me feel happy and confident as I don’t feel like that is something I can achieve on my own.
There are various reasons as to why I have no confidence in myself. The biggest of these reasons being my past mistakes.
I have made mistakes in the past that I hold myself accountable for even though I realise I am no longer the same person, I let these mistakes control who I am as a person today.
It is no secret that 2016 was an awful year for me, by the time I got to November I knew it wasn’t going to get better. In November I was at the lowest I have been in six years, somebody from my past cropped back up and once again upset me and made me feel like I wasn’t worth love, like I shouldn’t have people who care about me for what I did back at the worst moment of my life.
When I was at my worst, the one person I fully trusted let me down when I needed them most because of a mistake I made. As a result of said mistakes, we were never able to trust each other again or even keep in touch. I miss them constantly but at this point am not entirely sure I can do anything about it and have long ago accepted the blame.
Also at the end of 2016, someone I considered a friend did something which reminded me of that person and as a result I wasn’t very nice to them. Now they are not talking to me and most likely have no idea why I acted the way I did.
I am sick of letting the one person control my actions. After that moment in my life, I decided I would never become that person again and if I ever ended up in a similar situation I would do anything I could to fix it.
I avoided adding friends on Facebook because I knew that person was mutual friends with them. Not anymore. I may not be able to fix things with them, but I won’t let myself be hurt all over again, its not worth it.
Another thing, I tend to allow people to make me feel like shit on a regular basis and I tell myself that I deserve it because of my past mistakes.
In high school, I was that girl who hung onto the people who treated me like shit because of reasons I shouldn’t such as it being awkward when I’d pass them or so that I wouldn’t be on my own.
In college, I hung onto a girl who treated me like shit and didn’t value me because we both had mental health issues so I could relate to her, I only ditched her and another who treated me badly after listening to the advice of a good friend.
I hang onto people much longer than I should because of many reasons, another one of these reasons being that because of past mistakes, I tell myself I deserve all the crap thrown at me.
I was in a really bad place at the end of 2016 to the point I tried to harm myself begging with my brain to sort itself out. I was lucky this time that when I confided in one person I trusted, she stood by me and was there to help me through it. That never happened the last time and as a result I have gained major trust issues. When I stopped trying to harm myself I did it all because of a good friend who was worried about me, I did it because I saw how much I upset her instead of because I actually value my life.
I am incredibly grateful to this amazing woman who supported me, because I honestly don’t know if I’d be where I am now without her.
In 2017 my aim is to try and find a sense of happiness and perhaps gain some confidence in myself. I am so lucky to have met my amazing boyfriend this year who keeps me strong and is always my number one supporter always by my side, hopefully it is time I start caring about myself. I am that person who cares more about others than myself and while its great to care about others, it should also be important for me to care about myself.
I feel woman are more advantaged than men when it comes to feelings. Women are already seen as the one’s who can be emotional without fear of ruining their public image. Men are often taught they have to be hard, be strong, but we need to change this. We need to show our support to men so they know they are allowed to feel as well and they are not less of a man for doing so!
Recently my boyfriend said something to me where he told me that he’s supposed to be the strong one supporting me, and I don’t want that. I want him to know that he is allowed to feel, he is allowed to discuss his feelings with me and I won’t ever judge him, I love him for the person he is. This is what I want all men to know, its time to show them that they can feel without being less of a man.
Confidence isn’t something that has ever came naturally to me, but it is something I’m working on and something I’m trying to gain more of.
Do you have any tips on how to be a more confident person?
If you want more on confidence and perhaps how to gain confidence in a harsh world then let me know.
In life it can be common to often jump onto the next thing, move onto the next without exactly stopping to think about the present. Life can go really fast in the quickest moment so it is good to pause, take a step back and try and consider your life from a different angle or perspective.
If you always view life from the one perspective then this can lead you to perhaps treating certain people unfairly or not fully understanding those around you. In primary school and then high school, they drum into you the fact that you need to pass your exams, go to college/university then get a job.
Schools expect you to have your whole career goals planned out from such a young age. When I was in my last year of high school, I wanted to become a nursery teacher. Only when I didn’t get in to my chosen course did I pick my backup which was media. These days I could never imagine being a teacher and see my future career as something within media.
With the constant pressure in schools to have your career perfectly planned from a young age, it can be easy to forget to live in the moment and to just seek the next thing without really thinking about the present.
When life gets busy or you are feeling a little low, perhaps take a step back, slack on some of those responsibilities and allow yourself to find your bearings and regain your motivation to do the things in which you love.
Just because you might not be the most career driven, doesn’t mean you don’t have a bright future ahead of you. If you get a little unwell, or take some time out for yourself or a holiday, this is a good thing. Perhaps it may but your goals back a notch but in the long run it will set you up for better things and help you manage your life in order to become a success in the future.
Pausing the pace of your life allows you to savor the most important memories and feelings in order to keep yourself happy. Pausing when things get tough allows you to learn from your mistakes and work out your issues at your own pace.
What do you do when you feel like your life is going by in a blur that you don’t have time to process?
Later, my response to nearly everything that involves actually getting shit done. Always later.
As I write this blog post, I am procrastinating uni work that still needs to be completed before I finish at the end of April. For example: That student led seminar I have next Thursday? Well I told the person I am working with that I would have something prepped for Friday. It is now Saturday night and I haven’t even started prepping for it yet with the intention of spending all day tomorrow on it but in likely reality I won’t wake up till late afternoon and will likely set it back another day, only to keep doing this until it ends up being rushed at last minute.
That day my Dad asked me to type up and print off his CV for him? Yep, I’ve still not done it. It’s not that I don’t want to help my Dad out, its just I suck at life, I suck at prioritizing things and I suck at getting things done until last minute.
That formal assessment I sat in a computer lab 2 weeks ago on statistics? Well, last time I studied statistics I was in my 5th year of high school, therefore that was 4-5 years ago. Guess when I did all my studying for that assignment? Yep, the last hour before I sat it despite missing most the classes in prep for it. I still got 60% for it, so that’s a solid pass, so my logic is its great as long as I passed. Perhaps I need to change that outlook on life.
Before I finish uni for summer at the end of this month, I have a research proposal to submit for my dissertation next year, two essays to do, over eight blog posts that must include references and countless other things to do. What am I doing right now? Writing this blog post with the intention to either watch a new Netflix show or Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them straight after.
Why do I procrastinate so much? I don’t think I even have an answer to that question. It’s just a bad habit I picked up and hung onto. I remember in my early high school years I used to be a perfect student, I was terrified of getting into trouble and I ALWAYS without fail did my homework and handed it in on time. When I got to my 4th year of high school, I started talking back to teachers and sticking my middle finger up at them behind their backs. By the time I got to my last year of school, I was carrying on with the teachers I liked, avoiding those I didn’t like and putting all my time and effort into charity events because I hated school so much. As a person I evolved.
At college when things got heated with the event I was organising, me and the other two girls ended up getting loads of extensions for basically every class since the event was close. I guess perhaps that got me accustomed to not handing work in on time. Now at university, I have had extensions for a lot of assignments due to not being very well and even the ones I handed in on time were rushed to the last minute.
I am terrible at prioritising things and getting them done on time to the point that I even end up re-scheduling blog posts for days later than intended. I don’t set out to procrastinate but it tends to just happen, it follows me around like a black cloud.
Even when it comes to applying for a job/work experience I procrastinate yet again and end up applying much later than I set out to, or else I don’t end up applying at all because I miss the deadline. For example: I heard about an opportunity to get experience with a PR company a couple weeks ago where the woman was visiting my uni. I slept in that day and missed the slot she was in the uni and then left it too long to email her despite the fact that public relations is an industry I am interested in.
No matter what I do, even if its something I am excited about, or something I know I will enjoy or will be good for me, I end up procrastinating which in some cases causes me to miss out on that opportunity.
How much do you procrastinate? What are your tips to spend less time procrastinating? What are your tips for getting things done?