I have never been a strong lover of Perfume. Throughout my childhood and growing up I was always a tomboy. In my teenage years, my grandparents got into a habit of buying me a really nasty smelling perfume every Christmas for years on end. I, of course, pretended to like it as I didn’t want to upset them. It would then go into the back of the wardrobe to be forgotten about never to be seen again.
I don’t know if them buying me the perfumes was a last ditch attempt at trying to get me to act more girly but it didn’t work. It wasn’t until my later teenage years when I began to like girly things all of my own accord. I was never going to be persuaded to act a certain way by anyone, family or not.
Perhaps it was the awful perfume from my grandparents that put me off perfume for life but even today I don’t tend to use perfume. However, I do make the rare exception when it comes to Kylie Minogue and Cheryl.
If you don’t know, I am a MASSIVE fan of both Kylie and Cheryl. My aunt gave me two Kylie perfumes when I was younger that I didn’t use, but once I actually became a fan of her I began to use them and liked the scents.
The same can be said about Cheryl when she released each of her three perfumes I, of course, had to buy them. I even donated £100 to her charity as part of a competition once to get a signed bottle of her perfume. It may seem mad but I have a strong support for my role models/idols/inspirations and firmly believed in what she was doing with her charity. That and the fact I loved the scents.
Apart from this, I have never really been a perfume person, I just see it as a waste of money if I am brutally honest. I will continue to use my Kylie and Cheryl perfumes and will probably re-purchase when I run out. However, I won’t pursue the interest in buying other perfumes as I am a student without much money and don’t think it is something I can justify spending my money on.
Picture credit: Emma Blackery who is mentioned in this blog post.
Favourite videos are something I have seen many of my favourite vloggers do on their Youtube channels but is something I never thought I could turn into a blog post myself. For once I actually have quite a large list of favourite products in one month so I will share them for the first time in no particular order.
Mallow & Marsh vanilla marshmallows coated in milk chocolate – these are an absolute FAVOURITE that I’ve just discovered this month. Great for studying in the uni library as they don’t crunch when you munch! Buy here: Vanilla Mallow & Marsh.
Mallow & Marsh raspberry marshmallows coated in 70% dark chocolate – for when you want to mix the first one up a bit. Buy here: Raspberry Mallow & Marsh.
Rub, Rub, Rub shower scrub – This is a MUST and it has such a soothing smell. Thank Emma Blackery for introducing this to me as she mentioned it in a video. Buy it here: Rub, Rub, Rub Purchase.
Grammarly chrome extension – a browser extension added to chrome which identifies wrong grammar and spelling on anything I write on the internet and suggests the corrections. I hate grammar and I am also really bad at it so this is a life saver! Sign up and add for free here: Grammarly
“Nothing Without You” song by Emma Blackery. Yes, I had to include this! Listen here: Spotify or here: YouTube.
Speaking about music, I can’t forget Hard Times, the latest release by Paramore. Listen here: Spotify or here: YouTube. I had to include this since I’ve had it on non-stop repeat since it’s release!
Hero Wars Facebook game – I play this game EVERY day – check it out on Facebook!
White Russian cocktails – I know there may be people who read this and don’t drink but near the beginning of the month I went on a rare night out with my uni friends to a lovely bar which had white Russians on reduced price and I already loved them. I drank more of these that night than anything else! I also find it exhilarating to watch them making them since they set them on fire, I know I’m strange!
Thai Sweet Chilli crisps by Sainsbury’s taste the difference. These are now my all time favourite crisps. Buy them here: Crisps
Finally, Haagen-Dazs mango & raspberry ice cream. I tried this at the start of the month and it has overtaken Ben & Jerry’s as my favourite ice cream. Buy here: Ice Cream
My heart is almost enclosed within a blanket protecting it from the dangers of the world. The more living and growing I do and the more I learn, the stronger that blanket becomes.
In other words, the blanket around my heart is like a restrictive barrier you can’t see that stops you from getting too close to me and stops me from letting you into my heart.
It’s the way I have learned from experience when you give too much of yourself, to begin with, there is a high likelihood of that reflecting back and hurting you instead of helping you.
You don’t know someone’s personality the second you meet them, you may think you do but you don’t. It may feel as if you have known that person a lifetime when the reality is you haven’t.
I know from experience that there have been times I have felt a strong emotional connection and understanding with someone right from the moment I have met them. As a result, I’ve jumped in the heart over head and given them everything, every little piece of me just handed to them on a plate. This is the case for friends, relationships, the whole lot.
As a result, those people gave everything to from day one have turned out to not be the person I thought they were, have let me down or worse, seriously hurt me mentally. There are even times where I have taken a long time to trust someone than when I’ve eventually trusted them they’ve changed and let me down or hurt me.
Nowadays, I keep that blanket around my heart for a lot longer until I am 100% sure I can trust that person. I have discovered from experience that personally it seems to hurt more when it’s someone I have given everything to from the start who has hurt me. I guess that’s because right from the start I have perceived them as someone they were not and then there’s the shock and hurt when I realise they are not the person I thought they were.
At least if someone hurts me who I took a long time to trust, I know within me that they were the person I perceived them as and they either made a mistake or changed as a person and I guess that is easier to accept. So in life, I will keep that blanket protecting me from pain until I know I can trust you. Cause I can’t keep opening me heart up, again and again, to be broken. At least this way, it hurts less, at least this way I have the chance to find those that mean what they say and are who they say they are. At least this way I can find the ones that are true and keep them close instead of letting the fakes in only to hurt me. It’s a happier life this way.
Roots. Roots to me are more than just the grassy, muddy variety of roots. The grassy muddy kind of roots is quite frankly boring unless you are a gardener. Quite frankly, I doubt anyone would want to even read this blog post if those were the type of roots I was writing about!
Fear not, my life hasn’t suddenly become that black and white……YET.
Today I will be talking about two different type of roots. 1) Family/Friends roots and 2) Career roots.
Family and friends roots are the deeper type of roots, the type of roots which inspired the title for this blog post in regards to today’s Daily Prompt: Roots.
Family and friends I feel are really the people that shape us and help to define us as people. They are the ones who pull us up when we’ve fallen down and always have our backs when something goes wrong. I know that today, I would most likely not even be alive if it wasn’t for those I am blessed to call my friends, my real friends, my true friends.
I’m sure I can say that for most people they always have that one person who puts on the front of being a friend when in actual fact they have never been there for you and you have still to realise this. Unfortunately, enemies can be hidden in disguise as the people you think will stand by you when things go to shit, I should know.
I’ve had plenty of those people who promise they will always be there and then the second I actually need them, they are nowhere to be found. I think that is a learning curve though, those people have made me stronger. Even though it may hurt like fuck at the time, those people have taught me how to see through people’s bullshit. Occasionally someone will slip through, someone will abuse my good nature, win my support and then desert me but that is becoming rarer and rarer the more I grow and the more I experience.
Family and friends are rooted within our hearts, within our souls and help us develop and grow and we wouldn’t be the people we are without them. You may find me constantly moaning about my family as I don’t get on with most of my family but despite this, I know that they will be there when I need it most and for that I am grateful. We need to hang onto those that matter for as long as possible because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring and we don’t want our last words with someone we care about to be an argument.
Now onto the other type of roots: career roots. Within the media industry especially, it isn’t always about what you know but rather who you know. Another thing is, word of mouth goes a long way into getting your foot in the door within the media industry.
I feel that once you establish that initial introduction with a company you wish to work with in the future that is you beginning your roots. That is you planting the seed for progression and potential experience or a job. Once you are working for that company, that is your stepping stone to move onto the next thing: think bigger. You need to do a lot of rooting within various companies as well as networking from the beginning in order to succeed, grow and develop. As long as you have the motivation, the drive and a strong passion you can succeed.
When you are mentally low you don’t see the colours in life, life becomes one dank dark place and you see the world in black and white instead of colour.
Mental illness has become a sort of taboo subject to talk about and it doesn’t help when some people in school see mental health as a way to manipulate others. There’s no wonder that many young people don’t talk about mental health because they see is a subject that can’t be approached and we need to work to change this.
I know from experience that any kind of mental health or depression is a difficult subject to talk about and something we should embrace more. When my Bipolar comes into play, I cease to see the joys in life.
I think of my life as a dank and miserable existence in which I can’t anticipate the future and just want out. Life becomes bleak and grey with no hope left. You start to over-think and analyse everything even coming to conclusions about people based on non-existent reasons.
Bipolar can make you imagine what is not there, imagine people you care about being nasty about you and warp your conceptions on why people you care about have acted in a certain way, therefore, causing you to treat them differently, call them out for it or stop talking to them completely.
It can also make you assume that other people know what they have done to upset you when in actual reality, they probably don’t know. Of course, there are always people who will upset you on purpose but you have to separate them from the good that generally does care about you and didn’t mean to hurt you. Mental health, therefore, makes this process and practically any other life process a lot more difficult for you.
Obviously, if you call someone out for a reason your mental health has made up you can be seen as crazy or else that person will leave you because they don’t know why you are going off the rail. Also, mental health issues can make it a lot more difficult to work your problems out with others.
Bipolar can cause me at times, to even see people in grey. Whereas another person might always see the good in the people around them, someone with Bipolar can change their view of people if that person does one thing that hurts them deeply. I don’t mean to do that, I do mean to give the person a chance to explain but there are times when that doesn’t happen.
Another issue I have is trusting people, although this isn’t just reliant on my Bipolar. This is also because of the people who have hurt me. When I was in my younger years of high school, the teacher I trusted most let me down and wasn’t there for me when I needed her and essentially had a negative effect on my life at that time.
Before I met her, I trusted people way too easily. When bullies tried to get information out of me, I just offered it up not realising they were just looking for a topic for gossiping and being mean about me behind my back.
Since then, it can be said as both a positive and a negative thing that I don’t trust people as easily now. I can see through most people’s bullshit, and I can protect my heart from being crushed by being selective with who I trust. However, the negative side of this is that as soon as someone I trust does the smallest thing to hurt me, I get defensive and shut them out instead of talking to them and telling them why they hurt me. Also, because it takes me longer to trust people when I start a new experience: everyone around about me establishes their friendship groups before me so therefore I feel like an outsider who is not welcome.
Life with a mental illness is difficult and gives a different perspective on life – sometimes positive and sometimes negative when my mental health gets low. I begin to see things in grey instead of colour as if I am wearing tinted sunglasses to view the world but when I am well I can see the joy and that is the moments worth living for.
Today I will be talking about my feelings in the sense that I have always been the type of person to bottle up my feelings until they become too much and I then end up almost exploding and breaking down because there are then too many things that have caused me to get low.
It’s no secret that I have major trust issues thanks to the people in my past who have hurt me and let me down when I needed them. As a result, I began to bottle up my feelings even more and it is only recently that I have started working on dealing with my issues at the time that they become an issue.
I think that is partly to do with the fact that now I’m at university, I have become a lot busier and as a result, have to keep a calendar. As a result of this, I realise that I do not always have the time to have a breakdown or stop what I’m doing to deal with a mess of problems. Therefore I have to start dealing with my problems there and then which is something I have always struggled with.
Life is difficult, and I know changing things will be difficult at first but it’s got to get easier. Hasn’t it?
I can’t continue to bottle things up as it has a negative effect on both my mental health and my attitude. Most my arguments I’ve started unreasonably with other people have been because I’ve bottled my feelings up.
I’ve let whatever that person did or said to upset me play on my mind for weeks if not months. As a result, I become a very angry and upset person until one day I can’t hold it in anymore and I have to release.
As a result, I end up flying off the handle with people I care about instead of just talking about it like a grownup. Recently I had a go at someone because they did something which reminded me of someone who hurt me.
The thing that happened with the person who had hurt me was something I didn’t talk about for over three years. As a result, I began to lash out at anyone who would remind me of them and then stop trusting that person.
I have now realised this is an unhealthy attitude and perhaps if I’d have just spoken about the issues at the time, it wouldn’t have come to this. Therefore, zipping up my feelings has also had a negative impact on the way I deal with others, and I want to change that!
Do you have any tips that I can use in order to deal with my problems easier and more efficiently? I want to know. Comment them below!