Posted in Anxiety/Mental Health/Stress Management

Restraining From Caring Too Much

How do you be careful without being too careful? Being careful is difficult. If you are too careful you can find yourself living on the sidelines as if you are observing everyone’s lives whereas if you aren’t careful enough you find yourself being screwed over again and again while looking like a mug.

For example, In my younger years of high school I put all my trust in a teacher whom I believed I could trust, who promised me she was always there for me but when I needed her most she let me down. Now, I don’t blame her after the way I treated her but this is an example of me caring too much. When someone I knew in real life whom I should of been able to trust let me down, I turned to my idol Cheryl – at the worst moment of my life so far, a woman who didn’t even know I exist got me through. Her album, Messy Little Raindrops came out when I was seriously unwell and somehow managed to heal me and get me to where I am today.

I am not in the best position in my life by the slightest, but I am not in the worst. So I keep going, Cheryl is the reason for this and I owe her everything.

When you care too much you tend to get hurt but when you care too little you get seen as a horrible person and become the one who is always left out of everything. Many an occasion, I have put my trust in people only for them to let me down when I need them most. As a result, I have major trust issues and struggle to trust others. It takes me a long time to trust other people. Even then, the slightest thing can happen to put doubts in my mind about whether I can trust them. Currently, I only have about five people I can trust completely.

With this changing world, trust issues can be increasingly common. In high school, I had a girl I considered a friend whom couldn’t trust me. I tried my best to show/prove to her that I was her friend and was there for her but she couldn’t see this. She began to pick arguments with me over social media which really upset me. She wouldn’t say anything to my face, but over the internet she would get annoyed at me. I tried to let her know I didn’t want to argue with her and I wanted to be there for her if she needs me. At the end of the day, I ended up cutting all ties with her because the arguments were getting more often & I didn’t want to be in her life if it caused arguments and upset us both.

When you have trust issues you can often find yourself left behind. For example, you could start a new college course where everyone doesn’t know anyone else. Those without trust issues make friends, become close and establish their friendship groups while you are still giving the bare minimum to others, not because you don’t like them but because you don’t know if you’ll be able to trust them.

On the other hand, you could decide you can trust someone, give them your trust only to find they betray your trust & set you back into your un-trusting ways. In my last year of school I had a friendship group of between 6-8 whom I considered my friends – I now only keep in touch with 4 of them, 2 of whom are my best friends still. My friendship group basically cut in half because I either realised that people weren’t real friends, fell out with them or just drifted apart. One girl I was friends with, I still talk to her occasionally but whenever I tried to contact her about meeting up, she’d either say yes without wanting to arrange anything or just ignore me. Another, I realised was fake, was never there for me when I needed her and had screwed me over multiple times. I even had a high school teacher warn me to be careful in my younger years when I made up with this girl, I never understood what she meant, but now I do. A third girl randomly decided to ditch a bunch of friends for no reason.

People change and times change but this has never been very helpful in my trust of other people. I organised a big event this year which ended on a sour note and only spoke to two people about it when I was feeling low because of it, another example of my lack of trust for others in general.

In other news, if you care too little you may find yourself gliding through life without a care for anything, without a passion, just a hopeless life wishing for something more. If you give yourself fully to a situation, yes you can be hurt, yes someone may break you down but you may find a passion or love worth the pain, something that keeps you going, keeps you happy and looking forward to living your life even more.

At the end of the day, I feel you should judge your life in measures. Take everything as it comes, if you have a feeling in your gut that someone is lying to you and doesn’t really give a damn about you, listen to that feeling. If you have love for a specific thing or a career you really want to pursue, follow your dreams and go for that no matter what.

Another example, In my last year of high school when I was applying for college courses, a teacher came to me and pretty much tried to force me not to apply for a course in Early Education & Childcare. I understand that she didn’t feel that the course was suited to me but at the end of the day, she’d never seen me working around kids whereas the woman who had, gave me a brilliant reference. Another teacher told me she didn’t think I was suited to this course but respected that it was my decision which I respected her for. I came very close to getting a place in an Early Education and Childcare course until the teacher who tried to force me not to apply for it gave me an awful reference, I was devastated.

I then decided to choose my backup course, Media & Communications. Three full years later I have left college with a HND Media & Communications and organised an amazing Scotland-wide Journalism competition where I got to work with companies such as the BBC, STV and the Daily Record. I was also advised not to study Media & Communications by the same teacher who tried to force me not to apply for the Early Education & Childcare course. I was told to pick Administration simply because it would get me a job. I feel that in high school, the creative type of courses are most often over-looked by teachers and seen as something that won’t get you a job, but that’s not true. The media has an involvement in everything from television to radio, to events management to journalism. Yes I enjoyed Administration and it may have a higher chance to get a job but did I want to study it as a career? No, I really don’t think I did and I still don’t think I do!

If someone, anyone tries to tell you that you can’t do something, don’t listen to them! Keep fighting your way through, because at the end of the day, this is your life, no one else’s. So why should anyone else get to dictate what you do with your life?

Careful

4 thoughts on “Restraining From Caring Too Much

  1. It is true what you say. If we care too much we tend to get hurt.
    When you need something the most it often we don’t get it. Don’t depend on friends they cannot help you when you need help. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t trust them. It means that you have to recognize there are limits to friendship. Do not have any expectation that they will go out your way if you need them too. The measure of friendship, family, spouse is that when the going get rough they will stick with you. Those that desert you when it gets rough were never truly with you. Let them go less hassle in your life without them. Never let anyone define who you can or cannot trust and don’t have any unrealistic expectations that they will go out of their way and do things for you or stick by you in your hour of need……

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for commenting, I completely agree with you George! When you expect that a certain friend will be there for you when you need them, if it turns out that they aren’t then it hurts even more than it would do if you didn’t expect this of them. I’ve learned the hard way that if someone isn’t there for you when you need them the most, then they either never cared, or didn’t care enough about you to stand by you. If you stay friends with them, you begin to loose even more for trust and start to feel uncomfortable around them so its best to just let them go then get on with your life. Equally if they completely betray your trust on top of not being there for you, you begin to loose trust for them and its not worth keeping someone in your life whom you have to always be careful around and not trust.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh how much I understand you.. I have a lot of trust issues myself and it’s sad that in life those trust issues come exactly from people we once cared or still care about most.. But I also believe that no matter how many times we’ve been let down it is very important to just let ourselves trust for the hope that the next time won’t be the same – there are many good people around us and I’m sure in the end it is always worth the risk 🙂 interesting post. x

    https://livelaughsparkleblog.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment! Like with the teacher I mentioned in this post whom let me down, I still care about and miss her. We got on really well by the time I last saw them but when we first met there were a lot of issues. I still find myself blaming myself for most of it because I started it all and even though she played a part in it & also did things that hurt me other than not being there for me, I still get mad at myself for the whole situation time and time again!! She is one of the reasons I have so many trust issues, but not the only reason. Most of the reasons are people who have hurt me/let me down or people I have hurt/let down. Also I have an old guidance lecturer from college whom I still talk to, and even though I know in me that I can trust him, I’ve had issues being able to trust him. Since he was a guidance lecturer, I sometimes associate that with the old high school lecturer whom wasn’t there for me because she was also a guidance lecturer at the time. I know I can trust him, but often find myself being just as cautious all the same! If you can find a person whom you can completely trust and is there for you when you need them, that is most definitely worth it but I still think that people with trust issues can find themselves holding back from that and avoiding trusting someone in the fear that they will be let down/hurt again.

      Like

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