Posted in Anxiety/Mental Health/Stress Management

Post, Post, Delete

In case it hasn’t become obvious since I started this blog, I have A LOT of insecurities. And, I mean A LOT.

There are many different things which trigger my anxiety or mental health. One of my anxiety triggers is people I care about not seeing my tweets.

In other words: When I make jokes about certain things on Twitter, if I don’t either get a like or a reply from the person I’ve tweeted it too, I have a bad habit of then deleting that tweet.

Now, I know all too well that people I tweet won’t see everything I tweet, people I’m a fan of getting thousands/millions of notifications and just haven’t seen what I’ve said.

However, my anxiety tells me I’ve done wrong. If I don’t get instant praise from the people I tweet, my anxiety tells me that they are upset by what I’ve said. My anxiety tells me I’ve annoyed them. My anxiety tells me they’ve muted me. My anxiety tells me they don’t care about me. My anxiety tells me they hate me.

Now, I know, hand on heart this isn’t true. Yes, some of these things my anxiety tells me may be true about the odd person but the truth is that that person probably doesn’t even think about the situation nearly as much as I am.

I don’t expect my friends to reply to me instantly, I’m aware that people get busy. I don’t expect people I’m a fan of to constantly acknowledge everything I say & give me constant gratitude, far from it.

What I’m getting at is, it’s good to learn to distance yourself from your anxiety. As soon as you can distance yourself, you can begin to then fight back.

When you distance yourself from anxiety, you can be rational & think “no anxiety, you are wrong, that isn’t the case.” When you distance yourself from anxiety, you can say “this proves why my anxiety is wrong, I’m not going to fall for it.”

Think of it this way: would you ever go up to someone & tell them that all the people they care about & trust hate them? Would you go up to people & tell them everything that’s wrong with them? Chances are you wouldn’t but if you do then you clearly are a horrible person.

What I’m trying to say is: treat your anxiety as someone else. Your anxiety IS NOT and WILL NOT define who you are as a person if you don’t allow it to.

When your anxiety tells you these things, fight back & tell it that they are a horrible person & that what they are saying is simply not true.

It may seem small, but the more I prove to my anxiety It’s wrong, the more I believe it. The more I put my anxiety in its place, the more I remain in control rather than letting it take control.

I’ve become much better at dealing with my anxiety recently & I barely ever delete my tweets anymore but we all have bad days & sometimes it gets to me. Just remember to keep proving the truth to your anxiety.

That doesn’t mean that social media doesn’t get to my head at times. Recently I’ve felt that familiar sensation of Twitter anxiety again & the lines between me & my anxiety have begun to blur. When it becomes blurry, that’s when it’s time to take a step back.

It’s okay to take time away from social media, the world isn’t going to end no matter how much it may feel like it.

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Posted in Thoughts

Questions Tag

Recently, I was struggling with blog ideas so I agreed to take part in this questions tag which I am finally getting the chance to post.

I was tagged by GeekyGirlOnline so be sure to go & check out her blog! Tag origin: https://greenbeeorg.com/

 Now, onto the tag:

  1. My favourite sound? Probably the opening credit theme song for the first Harry Potter movie.

  2. An exotic country I have been to? The only countries I have been to outwith the UK where I live are France, Holland & Belgium but I wouldn’t really call them exotic.

  3. I would like to travel to? Australia, Amsterdam & America (why all A’s?). I have wanted to visit many US states for the longest time but Australia has begun to own my heart. From what I know of Amsterdam, it’s a beautiful city to visit so I’d love to go there too.

  4. If I could bring back a famous person who would it be and why? Alan Rickman because I love him as an actor & feel like he would be an interesting person to meet.

  5. You will always see me wearing? Skinny jeans & merch hoodies.

  6. One of my favourite break-time snacks in school was? brownies.

  7. Sometimes I scream when? When someone creeps up on me & starts talking if I didn’t notice them.

  8. A recurring dream I have is? I very rarely dream but in the past, I had one where I was sinking in quicksand & I’ve had recurring dreams about meeting my favourite celebrities.

  9. The advice I wish I could give my younger self is? Lot’s of things: You are not your mistakes. You will be happier as soon as you stop trying to impress people & only keep around genuine friends. If someone means a lot to you, always fight for them. Never leave the things you want to say the most unsaid as you don’t know when you’ll last see that person.

  10. An Actor or actress I wish I could meet is? Sarah Paulson, Leanne Lapp, Lana Parilla, Jennifer Morrison, Rebecca Mader, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Anniston, Mark Sheppard, Misha Collins, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Emma Watson. What can I say, there’s a lot of them.

  11. A fragrance I love is? Cinnamon, Apples, Vanilla, Snow Fairy shower gel from Lush, Rub Rub Rub shower scrub from Lush.

  12. The funniest thing I found in my pocket was? I don’t really use pockets, I just put everything in my bag. Sometimes I put my phone in my pocket, that’s about it.

  13. Something I didn’t think existed is.. The band Kodaline. I answered a question in a pub quiz about music with that, but I thought I had made it up then realised it is, in fact, a real band.

  14. My perfect pizza looks like tandoori chicken, Sweetcorn, Pepperoni, beef, jalapeños, bbq sauce, red onions, bacon.

  15. I would never wear……expect for …….. High heels except for a prom/graduation.

  16. I can’t stand it when… People refuse to give up their seat on the bus for someone with limited mobility, people who don’t let a wheelchair user get on public transport first.

  17. If I could be any fictional character I’d be? Clary Fairchild from the mortal instruments/shadowhunters. I would love to be a demon hunter & am in love with Jace so I guess it would be the perfect character to play.

  18. If I could be any day of the week I would be….because? Saturday because it’s the weekend & the day that you typically meet up with friends & make cool plans.

  19. When I wake up I can’t stand….. People talking to me.

  20. If I went on a safari the animal I would be most excited to see is… Tigers, Pandas.

  21. In school, I always skipped? Right along the staff corridor at my leisure! (I did this in my last year.) However, on a series note (what the question actually means) I guess I always skipped religious education & French classes because from very early on, I was given permission to not go to those classes by a teacher. I never really skipped a class that I actually had to go to apart from the one day I pretended to be ill so I could stay off school. I only began the proper skipping in Uni.

  22. 3 things I couldn’t live without? Music, the internet, concerts (it said things so I didn’t include friends & other people I care about here.)

  23. If I could be famous for anything I would choose? If there’s ever a chance then being a radio presenter or a podcaster.

  24. If I could chose fire or water I would chose… and why? Fire because I’m a firey person full of fire & because I have a fear of large bodies of water (anything bigger than a bath.)

  25. A trend I really love is? What’s a trend? No, but I don’t really follow trends.

  26. I would like to learn how to: Play an instrument, set up a home recording studio with soundproofing, learn a language.

  27. If something breaks in the house I? Say “oh well” & move on but be a little bummed that it broke. If it’s the shower, scream like fuck & get out of there ASAP (I was once in a shower as it nearly blew up & sparks were coming out of it.)

  28. I consider myself to be? A strong person, a creative, a lover of sarcasm, humor, Netflix & gigs. I also consider myself to be a procrastinator.

  29. A dream trip of mine is? The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Florida, to see Hamilton & Harry Potter & the cursed child in London.

  30. Dream job? Radio presenter, podcaster, events management, behind the scenes in film & TV.

I tag anyone who wants to complete this tag, bloggers & vloggers alike.

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Posted in TV Shows

A Series of Unfortunate Events S2 Review: Netflix Original

In case you missed it: S1 Review

“Look away, There’s nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way”

A show which right from the start begins by telling you to look away. I love that the series has kept up with the “do not watch this” concept which was well established in the film.

It may be a show filled with misfortune, but one which is well done and has me hooked. With the announcement of S2, I am incredibly disgusted (excited) to see what is next for the Baudelaire children.

I think the part of the show that captured my attention was news that the series was going to be covering the rest of the books, the books that the film did not.

There aren’t many shows I watch twice, but S1 was one of them and I am well tuned in to watch further dismay.

With 10 episodes of the season, S2 is yet another binge-worthy and binge-able show which I have every intention of completing in one sitting. I am at the point, I have put back binging other series to watch this first.

“This show will wreck your evening, your whole life, and your day. Every single episode is nothing but dismay, so look away.”

With a show that they don’t seem to want you to watch, it certainly has a catchy theme tune which is made better by the realisation that the song is sung by Neil Patrick Harris who plays our beloved and handsome (I may have been paid to say this) Count Olaf.

I love the fact that Lemony Snicket makes much more of a presence in this Netflix Original and I feel that it’s another thing we were lacking from the original film.

Episode one, and I’ve only just come the realisation that the Baudelaire’s are only attending school for the first time since this unfortunate journey began. How on earth did their previous guardians get away with them not attending school?

How on earth did Mr. Poe the banker not enquire about schooling? Why did they not share their secret when I was in high school? Perhaps I could have gotten out of the school thing myself.

“School should be a safe place, brand new season to explore the mysteries around you.” ~ Lemony Snicket

I find myself relating to this sentiment more than others may. School was indeed not always the safest place for me when I was growing up for reasons that I won’t go into here as I don’t want to make this unnecessary long.

I feel like in every school there was probably at least one child who thought they were more special than the rest and here it is apparent to see that child is Carmelita Spats. She has every quality that badly reminds me of Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

“Dark is out, light is in.” ~ Esme Squalor

Have you ever met someone who is desperate for other people’s approval to the point they will do things/act in a certain way for people to like them instead of just being themselves? Esme Squalor is the definition of those types of people.

“Does this seem like a nightmare? A bad dream? Cause that’s the effect I was going for.” ~ Count Olaf

A Series of Unfortunate Events is not a show you want to watch if you don’t want to see evil plots from a most terrible villain.

I do feel that Mr. Poe in the original film came across as a lot smarter than Mr. Poe in the TV series, however, he didn’t have as large a role as Mr. Poe now does.

Up until the vile village, I thought that Count Olaf’s disguises were improving and then I watched the vile village and I realised they most definitely aren’t.

It just goes to show that children are often ignored when in fact they can sometimes be smarter than the adults. When I was at school, there were multiple awful teachers and when reported, the child that normally reported them was ignored.

At school, there was one such teacher who bullied both students and staff but yet complaints against him were ignored. The member of staff was eventually sacked after I left school, but much later than he should have been.

Throughout the whole show, the Baudelaire children were in fact ignored with the adults coming up to inventive, but completely wrong conclusions.

Esme has all the makings of a villain and reminds me of the Wicked Witch aka Zelena from Once Upon A time. I am really enjoying the whole world of new characters and new worlds which we didn’t get to see portrayed on screen in the film.

I find it very clever what Netflix has done. They have taken a beloved film that left answers and an earning for more and given the audience exactly what they wanted but never got from the film.

Throughout the season, I struggle to understand why a sugar bowl is so important to Esme. Is there something hidden inside it? Throughout the season, there is also just as many plot twists as the first season held which leaves you guessing at and then becoming surprised with the outcome.

All in all, S2 displays a whole world of characters and evil plots which we just didn’t get to see in the film. That is the concept that makes it original and keeps us coming back from more and I am already eagerly dreading (awaiting) S3 which will thankfully (unfortunately) be the final season.

S2 certainly ends with a plot twist of a cliffhanger that leaves so many questions that S3 will probably answer. What will be the fate of the Baudelaire children? And, will that massive cliffhanger turn out to be indeed true? I guess we’ll have to wait and see for what is sure to be one hell of a ride of a final instalment.

I did warn you at the start of reading this unfortunate tale. For those of you who came here from twitter, I warned you over there yesterday that this might possibly be the most unfortunate thing I have written. Even more unfortunate than season 1 I’m afraid.

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Posted in Life, Thoughts

Take, Take, Take

I know I said I was going to try blog every week & that new blog posts would typically go live on Monday’s, yes I can confirm I’ve not stuck with another decision!

Want to know why I never make new years resolutions? This is why I can never seem to stick to them!

On another note: what goes to say that everything will suddenly change on one day of the year cause it’s a new year? Change is a working progress, it happens over time.

That brings me to the topic of today’s blog post. Today, I am reflecting on one of the many things I’ve learned in the last 2-3 years. Below is a statement I put on social media in the last few days:

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The above is an accurate description of something I’ve experienced in the last 2-3 years which has finally made me realise the sad truth of life that you can do everything & anything for someone for them to still toss you aside when they have no use for you.

There are also people who I no longer even talk to who still use and take from me even though I cut them out my life. The sad reality is: even when you cut someone out your life, they can still find a way to take the trash you left in the past & use it in order to make life easier for themselves & use it to somehow help progress their lives/careers.

“The best thing I did was leaving you in the past” – an accurate phrase to sum up certain people. You can’t change people, but you can change yourself. The older I get, the better I get at leaving behind toxic people & those who purposely screw me over.

I am thankful to everyone that has helped me, however, I am ALSO thankful to everyone that has hurt me or screwed me over. I firmly believe that all life experiences have something you can learn from them.

Some people you have to go through hell with before you can see the sunshine, others teach you a lesson while stabbing you in the back.

I have become a stronger person through the people who have hurt me & have become much better at seeing through people’s bullshit.

However, I have also met some amazing individuals who have shown me nothing but love but have taught me life lessons & helped me grow. A shoutout to those amazing women on this international women’s day.

Even the positive & good experiences have something you can learn & use to improve yourself, you just need to know where to look.

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Pic Credit: Royalty Free via Ghost Presenter via http://www.pexels.com

 

Posted in Music

Nobody Sees The Show Until Nadine Says So!

Let me tell you a story, sit down, are you comfortable? Do you have your tea? Good, let’s begin then! (Okay I know, cheesy AF opening line but stick with me.)

A girl around 12/13 years of age hadn’t been happy for a long time, at least three years. One day, while watching the X Factor, this girl laughs in a rare moment.

The moment? Her name was Cheryl Cole, but these days you will find her as Cheryl Tweedy. That girl was me, and this was a big moment in my life.

Ever since then, I’ve been a massive Girls Aloud fan and although in recent years I haven’t followed the girls as much as I used to, I will never forget and they will always mean something to me.

With Nadine’s new music, that spark (where am I going?) that reminds me why I love the girls individually just as much as I loved them when they were together.

That’s why I was more than excited when Nadine announced a tour where she would be performing former Girls Aloud songs as well as her new songs which are on fire just like the girls (pun most certainly intended.)

2018 is shaping up to be a great year music wise with so many bands/artists I love bringing out new albums or tours which I am very much excited for.

And, what’s more, exciting than the fact that I have VIP for Nadine’s tour? Yes, I am still not over the fact that I will finally get to meet one of the girls who has helped shape the person I am today.

Nadine is lighting it on fire (perhaps I should quit while I’m ahead) with her new songs, Go To Work & Girls on Fire and I am excited for what is to come for her in 2018.

Listen to Nadine’s latest, Girls on Fire here:

Or how about Go To Work here:

Now, welcome back. If you’re as buzzing as I am about this new music, Nadine’s going on a UK tour in May and you can get tickets here for a tour that most certainly WILL be on fire!

This one’s for my girls they’re on fire!

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Posted in Thoughts

A Break From Blogging

When I started this blog, I wanted to blog regularly, it was an outlet for me to make sense of my feelings and what’s going on in my life. However, there was a spell when I spent so much time arranging blogging opportunities with other people that it became more about the deadlines rather than a hobby.

I’m not going to sugar coat it, I lost the meaning of my blog over the last year, my mental health plummeted and I didn’t even know who I was anymore nevermind trying to keep up a presence online focussed on the things I loved.

How can I have a blog about the things I love as a hobby if I don’t even know who I am or what I love? I began to keep track of how long it was between blog posts with a constant worry that I wasn’t blogging and that I was giving up on another thing, yet again when I should have just taken a break.

I’ve been speaking a lot recently about thing’s I’ve learned in 2017. Another thing I learned in 2017 is that it’s okay not to be okay and to take a break from things, in fact, things can improve if you take a break from time to time.

When you work in the media, study in media and put yourself in the media, there can be a pressure to keep going. The media industry feels at times like it has to be go-go-go all day long, all week long, all year long.

I’ve watched the people I admire in the public eye get criticised when there’s no video, music, project, whatever it may be from them. I’ve watched people I admire in the media feel pressured to be perfect online or pressured into continuing to create content all year around no matter what.

If you are reading this and are feeling that pressure: It’s okay to take a break from certain things or even everything that you are working on. It’s okay to rethink things, it’s okay to change your end goal.

It was only when I took a break for the most part from this blog in the second half of 2017, I began to breathe properly again without constantly worrying about the next piece of content.

When your passion or hobby becomes a chore that you dread, that’s when it’s time to take a break. It’s better to put your sanity first.

In 2018, I’m not going to chase after every little sponsorship, collab and free products in exchange for a blog post. I was chasing after these things so much that I lost interest in simply blogging about what I was interested in and as a result, I feel my content got significantly worse.

This isn’t a dig at anyone I worked with in 2017 for my blog, not at all. It’s a dig at my past self, yes I enjoyed these opportunities but I put more time into gaining them and less thought into what interested me. 2018 will be a very different year in terms of content.

I’m focussing on myself and what I want and that’s not just blogging-wise. I’m focussing on those career goals I’ve been too scared to pursue and I hope that by the end of 2018 I can actually say I’ve gone after some of my dreams.

I hope to be back to regular blogging in 2018 but one thing the last two years has taught me is that you never know what’s to come, things can change so easily and I think I’m becoming better at adapting to change than I used to be.

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Posted in Life

17 Things I Learned in 2017

Another year is over, another year begins. Let’s start the year with what I learned from 2017 since it was certainly a tough year.

  1. A happier life starts when you cut the snakes 🐍 out of your life (AKA the toxic people.)

  2. NEVER sacrifice your happiness for your career.

  3. Just because someone is older than you, doesn’t make them more responsible or more grown up.

  4. Just because someone is older than you, doesn’t mean they have got their life together.

  5. When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try and control what other people think of you – rise above it.

  6. No need for revenge or being petty towards the people who screw you over, they always get what they deserve.

  7. If someone puts your safety at risk then they are NOT your friend no matter how much you convince yourself they are.

  8. If someone lies to you and then lies some more when you confront them, let them go, they are NOT worth your time.

  9. Don’t actively search for friends and people who care about you. The ones who ACTUALLY care will come looking for you and will find a way to stay.

  10. Hold onto the ones who matter, let go of the snakes 🐍

  11. You can’t change other people’s minds about anything so don’t try.

  12. Toxic people won’t notice that they are hurting you until you cause them some inconvenience, they aren’t worth it.

  13. Stay silent, eventually, other people will see through the snakes 🐍bullshit just like you did and if they don’t, they aren’t worth having around.

  14. My anxiety is NEVER right about ANYTHING. Neither is YOUR anxiety. NEVER LISTEN TO ANXIETY.

  15. Even when you think no one cares about you, there will be someone waiting to prove you wrong.

  16. ALWAYS back up draft blog posts as WordPress has a tendency to delete them after you’ve spent a great deal of time on them.

  17. Your mental health is more important than anything else, put this first, everything else will wait and will improve when you are well.

These are some of the things I learned from 2017, what did you learn? Facebook ~ Twitter ~ Instagram

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